[理知논술/영어 논술 클리닉]중학 영어

입력 2007년 2월 13일 03시 00분

◎ 논제

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change?

여러분이 살고 있는 도시에는 어떤 개선점이 있을지 잘 생각해 보고 여러분이라면 도시의 어떤 점을 바꾸고 싶은지 써 보세요.

■ 학생글 - 임미진·경기 범계중학교 2학년

If I could change one important thing about my hometown, I would change the commercial quarter in my town. There is only one, so residents cannot help going there in order to buy things or services, however, the atmosphere and merchants of the building tend to keep customers from coming. First and foremost, the atmosphere of the building is so dim. There are many stores that are closed markets naturally oppresses the access of people. It seems just like “the house of ghost” sometimes. I have felt a sort of fear when I am close to the building. In addition, sellers are too unfriendly. I think that customers are the best and dealers should keep that in mind if they really want patrons to buy their products. The policy that prevents shops which treat the same subject as stores that have been before is problematic. If that system was abolished, competition would emerge and accordingly guests would have the opportunity to choose better products between growing contests. That is, until customers inevitably have to go the commercial quarter, It is the absolute opposite concept to the general idea. Actually, there is nowhere else in any town like that building of my town. If one decided to work for job that is for guests, he or she has to do one's best as long as one keeps the job. In conclusion, I would transform the commercial building in my town into a better place to go, and it is a necessary thing to be done. Unless this is improved as soon as possible, customers will always be scared of its appearance and will have to conceal their unpleasure. These badly influence images of our town and ultimately leads to an awful result.

■ 첨삭글

If I could change one important thing about my hometown, I would change the commercial quarter in my town. There is only one, so residents cannot help going there in order to buy things or services however, the atmosphere and merchants of the building tend to keep customers from coming. First and foremost, the atmosphere of the building is so dim. There are many stores that are closed markets, and these naturally suppress the access of people. The whole quarter seems just like “a house of ghosts” sometimes. I have felt a sort of fear when I am close to the building. In addition, the sellers are too unfriendly. I think that customers are the best and dealers should keep that in mind if they really want patrons to buy their products. The policy that prevents shops which sell similar things as stores that are already there is problematic. If that system was abolished, competition would emerge, and accordingly, guests would have the opportunity to choose better products from the rising competition. That is, until customers inevitably have to go the commercial quarter. This place has the absolute opposite concept to the general idea. Actually, there is nowhere else in any town like that building of my town. If people decided to work for a job that is for guests, they have to do their best as long as they keep the job. In conclusion, I would transform the commercial building in my town into a better place to go, and it is a necessary thing to be done. Unless this is improved as soon as possible, customers will always be scared of its appearance and will have to conceal their displeasure. This image of our town badly influences visitors and residents, and ultimately leads to an awful result.

■ 총평

사례는 좀더 구체적으로 설명해야

임미진 학생의 글은 논지가 뚜렷하고 서론에서 main idea를 명확하게 미리 보여 주고 있으며 예로 들어 준 내용들도 논지를 잘 뒷받침하고 있으므로 글의 구성이 매우 좋다. 그러므로 글을 이해하기가 수월하다. 즉 글이 매우 설득력이 있다는 말이다.

다만 구체적 예를 듦에 있어서 개선의 여지가 있다. 일부 문장들은 일반론적 진술을 잘하고 있으나 좀 더 구체적이어야 한다. 예를 들어 임미진 학생은 “the sellers are too unfriendly”라고 쓰고 왜 좀 더 친절해야 하는지에 대해 설명을 했는데 독자에게 어떤 식으로 불친절했는지를 알려 주어야 할 필요가 있다. 고객을 무시한 것인지 고객에게 소리를 지르거나 무례한 말을 한 건지 아니면 고객을 속이려 한 것인지를 자세히 덧붙여 설명할 필요가 있다.

또 하나 예를 들자면 “the policy that prevents shops which sell similar things as stores that are already there is problematic”라고 썼는데 이 상황에 대해 좀 더 구체적으로 설명을 한다면 훨씬 좋을 것이다. 신발 가게가 하나밖에 없어서 신발 값이 너무 비싸다든지 아니면 서점이 하나밖에 없어 선택의 폭이 좁다든지 하는 식으로 좀 더 구체적 설명이 필요하다. 다음에 글을 쓸 때는 이런 점에 유의해서 글을 쓴다면 아주 좋은 글이 될 것이다.

Second Prize: 임율리

Third Prize: 고정은

장보숙 영재사관 YES어학원 실장

저스틴 루이스 영재사관 YES어학원 팀장

고등학교는 학생들이 원하는 과목을 공부할 수 있게 해야 한다는 의견에 대해…

■ 제시문

High schools have different ways of placing students in courses; some schools set the students' schedules, whereas other schools allow students to select their own courses. I agree that high schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Although some students might only choose the easiest courses, I think most students want to do their best in school. If high schools allow students to select their own courses, this is better for students because they will have more fun in their courses, they will study courses that are more suitable for their future goals, and they will be encouraged to make wise decisions. Not only would this help students study, but it would also help students become mature adults.

The first reason why I agree that high schools should allow students to select their own courses is that it is more fun for students to study the courses they like. I think that all types of courses such as science, math, social studies, and languages are important, so all students should have to study a few courses of everything. However, all students have different tastes, so if students can choose the majority of their courses, it would help them enjoy their studies more. I have two brothers who are in high school, and they have very different tastes. One brother really likes languages, so he is studying a lot of English and Chinese. My other brother, however, is studying a lot of math because that is what he likes. Both of them are studying what they really like, and this helps both of them try their hardest.

Another reason why I think students should choose their own courses is that it will help them achieve their future goals better. It doesn't really make sense for a student who wants to be an engineer to study a lot of language programs. Instead, that student should be studying a lot of math and science courses. In my one brother's case, he really likes studying English and Chinese, so he studies them for enjoyment, and he also wants to be a diplomat, so the courses are practical for his future career. He is able to focus on his preferred courses because he is allowed to choose his courses.

The last reason why I agree with this statement is that students who have the freedom to choose their courses will learn to make wise decisions. This helps students grow to be more mature adults. Soon after students finish high school, they will be required to go to university or get jobs, and they will need to be able to make some or all of their decisions for themselves. Young adults who were allowed to make important decisions about courses in high school will have an easier time making important decisions in society. My cousin is a good example of the opposite. She went to a school that chose almost all of her courses for her, but when she went to university, she had a hard time choosing her courses, and changed her major too many times. She also spent too much money because she wasn't used to making smart decisions.

In conclusion, I agree that high schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study, because it is more fun and practical for students, and it helps students learn to make wise choices. When I attend high school, I hope to go to a high school where I can choose my courses.

■ 이해력 높이기

1. Why is it more fun for students to choose their own courses?

A. They can just study really easy courses.

B. They can study what they enjoy.

C. They can be in the same course with their friends.

2. What is one way choosing courses will help a student?

A. They can choose suitable courses for their future careers.

B. They can choose courses that have less homework.

C. They don't have to rely on their parents.

정답: 1(B), 2(A)

◎ 써서 보내요

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study.