[理知논술/영어 논술 클리닉]중학 영어

우리 인간은 지구를 망가뜨리는 걸까
아니면 더 나은 곳으로 만드는 걸까?

■ 제시문

During the previous decades, people have established many inventions. These inventions made our life so much easier, but I think they can actually be considered harmful to the Earth. Examples that prove this are factories that emit substances that ecosystems cannot break down, and cutting down trees which damage wild animals' habitats.

First of all, factories and air-conditioners produce gases that ecosystems cannot break down, and it's causing problems. The greenhouse effect is sometimes talked about on the news, and the news states this is a serious problem. The greenhouse effect occurs mainly due to the gases, such as sulfurous acid gas, that are emitted by factories and cars. These gases weaken the ozone layer, causing more ultraviolet rays to penetrate the earth's atmosphere, and these rays can lead to skin cancer. Once the ultraviolet rays come in, they heat the ground. However, this heat is blocked by dust so it cannot easily get out of the Earth's atmosphere, causing the Earth to be warmer. The glaciers in the North and South poles are melting and the sea level is rising. This can eventually lead to the immersion of some islands.

Secondly, human population is actually growing too rapidly. Therefore, people need places for farming, housing, or constructing more buildings. They meet the necessity by violating wild animals' habitats, such as woods, rain forests, and even the seas. They cut down trees, fill the sea with sand, and do many other things. Animals that lose their habitat will wander around or die. Cutting trees down can even lead to desertification, and filling the sea with sand will destroy mud flats.

Based on the things I stated above, human activity certainly does not make the Earth a better place to live and actually damages ecosystems. Humans can't live alone, and they need to interact with the environment, so they should be aware of the things they are doing and think about whether the activities they do damages the Earth or not.

■ 이해력 높이기

1. What is the writer's opinion about the effects of human activity?

(A) It is improving the quality of life on Earth.

(B) It is making no impact on the Earth or on our lives.

(C) It is damaging the environment, and does not improve the quality of life.

2. How does human activity harm ecosystems?

(A) Gases cause the destruction of the ozone layer, global warming, and rising sea levels.

(B) We are using up too much water, so the sea levels are lowering.

(C) The Earth's atmosphere is getting thicker, so ultraviolet rays cannot penetrate.

정답:1(C), 2(A)

◎ 써서 보내요

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion?

여러분은 앞으로 긴 세월을 지구와 더불어 살아가야 한다. 과연 우리 인간의 활동은 지구를 해치고 있는 건지 아니면 이 지구를 더 살기 좋은 곳으로 만들고 있는 것인지 새로운 해를 여는 지금 진지하게 생각해 보자.

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■ 논제

A gift(such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to an child's development. What gift would you five to help a child development? Why?

과연 아이의 발달을 돕는 선물로는 무엇이 있을까. 이번 기회에 생각을 해보고 멋지게 글로도 옮겨보자.

■ 학생글

이도영·광주 풍향초등학교 6학년

Children love gifts. If i have a chance to give a gift to a child, i would rather choose a pet dog. Children normally like animals, especially a dog. By looking after it, the child may learn how to solve many problems and will have a strong sense of responsibility.

One reason i think a pet dog would most contribute to a child's development is that a child can develop to be an intelligent person by trying to understand what a dog needs. They will feed the dog regularly, take walks, and bathe it. The child will also check whether the dog is having necessary conditions or not (such as glazing fur, dampish nose, cood excreta).

Another reason is that the child will have fun, learning a lesson. Playing with the dog and training it is a lot of fun for a growing child and if the dog does whatever their owner tells it, it would be a great delight for the child and satisfy him or her.

They will know when the dog is happy, and understand the meanings of obedience and patience.

In conclusion, the child likes to express their feelings toward others. They will show their love toward the dog and be the best friends. The child will make wonderful stories and adventures with the dog until the child has learned love, companionship toward others, as well as valuable lessons, and some day, the dog will repay to the child for their kindness.

■ 첨삭글

Children love gifts. If I had a chance to give a gift to a child,I would rather choose a pet dog. Children normally like animals, especially dogs. By looking after a pet, children may learn how to solve many problems and they will have a strong sense of responsibility.

One reason I think pet dogs would most contribute to children's development is that children can develop to be intelligent people by trying understand what dogs needs. They will feed their dogs regularly, take them for walks, and bathe them. The children will also check whether the dogs have the necessary conditions or not (such as glazing fur, dampish nose, good excreta).

Another reason I think pet dogs would most contribute to children's development is that children will have fun learning lessons. Playing with dogs and training them is a lot of fun for growing children and if dogs do whatever their owner tells them, it would be a great delight and satisfaction for children. They will know when the dogs are happy, and understand the meaning of obedience and patience.

In conclusion, children like to express their feelings toward others. They will show their love toward dogs and be their best friends. Children will make wonderful stories and adventures with their dogs until the children have learned love, companionship toward others, as well as valuable lessons. Some day, the dogs will repay the children for their kindness.

■ 총평

이도영 학생이 쓴 에세이는 명확한 논지와 주제전달이 좋고 각 문단의 예도 자신의 생각을 잘 표현하고 있어 전체적으로 적절한 에세이 형식을 갖추고 있다. 단지 두 가지 정도만 주의를 한다면 훨씬 더 좋은 글이 될 것이다.

우선은 문법적 부분으로 특히 명사의 형태와 관련된 것이다. 도영 학생은 ‘a child’, ‘a dog’에서 보듯이 대부분의 명사를 단수로 쓰고 있다. 대부분의 문장에서는 문제가 되지 않지만 일부 문장 속에서는 어색한 느낌을 준다. 이런 명사들을 복수화하면 어색함을 완화시킬 수 있다. 또한 더 논리적이 된다. 왜냐하면 도영 학생은 모든 아이에게 최고의 선물에 대한 이야기를 하고 있는 것이지 단지 한 명의 특정 아이에 대해 이야기하는 것이 아니기 때문이다.

두 번째로는 에세이에 등장한 예에 관한 것이다. 좀 더 구체적인 예를 들었더라면 글이 훨씬 설득력이 있었을 것이다. 그러기 위해선 실제 생활에서 벌어지는 현실적인 예를 들어야 한다. 예를 들면 ‘Playing with dogs and training them is a lot of fun for growing children’ 이라고 쓰고 난 후에 ‘When I was young, I had a dog that I played ball with in the park’ 라고 계속 이어나간다면 훨씬 더 구체적으로 독자들에게 다가갈 수 있다. 더 정확한 정보를 제공함과 동시에 글 속에 등장하는 예를 더욱 흥미롭게 해 주기 때문이다. 본인이 직접 경험했던 것이 가장 좋은 예가 되어 설득력도 좋아지고 독자의 흥미를 끈다는 사실을 명심하자.

2nd Prize: 황수민

3rd Prize: 이정희

佯맑