Adverse effect of compliments

Kim Jong-in, a member of the ruling Grand National Party’s interim emergency committee, is at the heart of a debate. Speaking at a ceremony a week earlier to mark the publication of a book by Choi Jae-chun, a former lawmaker of the main opposition Democratic United Party, Kim said, “It appeared to me that Choi had a bright future before him when I was working with him in the 17th National Assembly.” At the ruling party’s general meeting on Tuesday, members said it was absurd for Kim to openly praise a preliminary candidate of the opposition party. Rep. Chin Soo-hee was understandably infuriated since she will be competing against Choi in the April general elections.

Compliments have a huge effect. Since the book “Compliments Make Even Whales Dance” was published 10 years ago, praise has grown into a social trend. Laudatory phrases include “Compliment in detail what one did well,” “Praise the process more than the outcome,” and “Encourage even more when things aren`t going right.” Education now tends to stress compliments more than punishment. Complimenting when a cold objective evaluation is needed, however, can bring about adverse consequences.

Carol Dweck, a psychology professor at Stanford University, warned that praising to encourage pride can have a negative effect. She meant that those being praised might overestimate themselves and lose the chance to do better. As Michelle Rhee, former Washington D.C. school superintendent, said, “We`ve become so obsessed with making kids feel good about themselves,” adding, “We`ve lost sight of building skills they need to actually be good at things.” Praising adults can be a word of blessing, to say in a good way, or flattery, to put it more frankly. Saying only good things to superiors and not things they really need to hear can be treacherous.

Samsung Electronics Chairman Lee Kun-hee is an entrepreneur who seldom gives praise. When he said last year that the Korean economy barely evaded an “F” grade to raise public discontent, Samsung said he meant “not bad” considering his frequent use of the word "crisis." The Financial Times said Apple’s lawsuit against Samsung is the biggest praise for Samsung, which could mean that the Korean company could become the world`s best because it was cautious over praise and conceit. On Rep. Kim’s praise, the main opposition party said, “Kim has the foresight and prudence to go to the Grand National Party to help the Democratic United Party.” Compliments are good only when given at the right place and the right time.

Editorial Writer Kim Sun-deok (yuri@donga.com)