More married couples spend Lunar New Year's holiday separately

Homemaker Kim (34) who is in the fourth year of marriage spent Lunar New Year’s Day at her own parents’ home in Suwon, Gyeonggi Province. Her parents-in-law’s home is in Daejeon, which is not very far from her home, but she declared "boycott of traditional holidays" after having big argument with her husband at her parents-in-law’s home during last year’s Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving) holiday. Kim had been in constant dispute with her mother-in-law since getting married due to economic issues, and as she chose to boycott ancestral rites by citing her religion, her conflict with her mother-in-law intensified further. “This may not look good to others’ eyes, but I made this bold decision to maintain peace in my family after agonizing hard,” Kim said on Monday.

A growing number of married couples are spending traditional holidays separately at their own parents’ homes these days to avoid side-effects of holidays when the chance for conflict between family members to explode escalates. As conflict has intensified so deeply that even "divorce after holidays" has become a term in vogue, those couples are taking the undesirable yet extraordinary measure of spending holidays separately from their spouses.

Yoon (37), a married working woman who has no child, spent this past Seollal with her own mother. A single daughter, Yoon had growing discontent about her mother-in-law asking her to wait to see her husband’s elder sister before leaving the parents-in-law’s home for her own mother’ home even though the mother-in-law is aware that her own mother is spending the holiday all alone. Concerned about her mother who was expected to have a lonesome holiday again this time, Yoon proposed to her husband that they spend Seollal holiday separately at their respective parents’ homes.

Kim Sang-hoon (57), who is in the 17th year of his marriage, suggested to his wife in the first place that they spend Seollal separately. This is the second year in which he chose to visit his hometown alone because his parents live in Changwon, South Gyeongsang Province, and because he did not like arguing repeatedly with his wife, who constantly expressed discontent about his parents’ family during the long trip to his hometown.

Trivial verbal dispute often turns into physical brawl during the holiday periods when conflict between family members often aggravates. This is evidenced by the fact the number of domestic violence cases reported during holiday periods has increased year after year. The number of domestic violence reported to police during holiday periods increased from 7,737 cases in 2014 to 8,491 in 2015, before surging to 10,622 cases last year, according to the National Police Agency.

Regarding the trend of married couples spending holidays separately, experts say that couples should try and make concerted efforts to address conflict rather than avoiding it. “It is a social phenomenon that is emerging as emotional alliance between family members has weakened or collapsed,” said Lee Bae-yeong, director of the Korea Parental Educational Research Institute. “Since spending holidays separately cannot be the fundamental solution, (couples) should make efforts together to resolve conflict face to face.”

Go-Ya Choi best@donga.com