[Opinion] Dippers and Super Moms

Like ‘Three Men and a Baby,’ movies featuring a man and a baby together always have a rule to follow – a scene that a baby pees on a man’s face while he is desperately trying to change dippers (Of course, a baby has to be a little prince).

It’s to make audience to laugh, but no one imagines the same would happen with a woman, especially with a mom. If it were she, she would change dippers patting the baby boy on the hip softly or say ‘shee’ to toilet-train him.

▷ According to a recent study, our babies are quicker to learn to use toilet than babies in other countries. It takes 23 months, the study observes. Then, do we have to feel all happy about it? The result may have something to do with the competition among moms. They feel shamed when their babies are slow with learning things including toilet-trained. They want their children to be smarter. So the early-age education boom in our society helps babies learn to use toilet fast. Of course, our moms spend more time and take care of their babies instead of placing them in cradles alone.

▷ Experts, however, point out that forcing babies to do without dippers could backfire. Dr. Chun Guen-ah, pediatrician at Youngdong Hospital says that it might cause anxiety to small kids. By forcing them to learn instead of letting them pick up things, moms inadvertently expose their children to undemocratic and irrational ways of thinking and behaving.

It must not be just a coincidence that babies are relatively slower to learn to use toilet in Germany (33 months), England (31 months) and the U.S. (27 months). If you are a grown-up who is rather stubborn and sticks to principles and things perfect, you could ask your mother if she was little too hard on the toilet training when you were two to four years old.

▷ “Misunderstanding: Truth, Lies and Unexpected Things about Motherhood,” and “Life after Birth: Things Your Friends Never Tell You” – these are some of bestseller titles in the U.S., which tell you that you don’t have to feel guilty about not having the motherly bone. They say that not all moms can be super moms. The toilet training, therefore, does not indicate how motherly you are. It doesn’t matter when your babies learn to use toilet. What counts most is feeling happy. That’s the way the life goes – If they are not ready, whether it’s about toilet training or love, it will not work no matter hard you try.

yuri@donga.com