The father effect

“I like my mom because she loves me/I like the refrigerator because it gives me something to eat/I like my dog because it plays with me. But I don’t know why I have a dad.” Last year, an entertainment TV program introduced a ninth grader’s poem titled “Why Dad,” which made many fathers sad. They must have felt frustrated because they earn money every day, sacrificing themselves for their family. What makes them seem less important than even a dog or a fridge?

Children need not only a mother but also a father (male adult) as a role model. Fathers are somehow excluded from childrearing in Korea. If a child gets poor grades, his or her father criticizes his wife. One joke says getting a child into a prestigious college requires the grandfather’s economic power, the mother’s ability to gather information (on education), and the father’s indifference. Yet the supposed indifference of the father is a myth created by private education providers in a bid to exploit the anxiety of Korean mothers to make money.

Many studies in the U.S. and the U.K. have found that children whose fathers are actively involved in fostering their kids are more likely to have good grades and be successful in life. Children whose fathers participated in childrearing were found to be stronger in overcoming stress and failure, had better control of themselves and situations, and were much better in finding solutions. Ross D. Parke, professor emeritus at the University of California-Riverside, calls this the “father effect."

The problem in Korea is that the environment does not help fathers even if they want to raise their children. They often have to work overtime or attend after-work drinks or dinner. Some want to become good dads but do not know what to do. Parke says those who received father training such as playing, games and conversation can elicit mutual interactions or responses from children much better than those who did not. The first “after-work father school” was opened by the Happy Parents Foundation Wednesday to acclaim. Instead of pushing their kids to study harder, fathers must learn how to play their fatherly role.

Editorial Writer Chung Seong-hee (shchung@donga.com)