Living the life you can be proud of

“Life isn’t just about being happy and healthy. Life is living the life you can be proud of.” - Claire Wineland

A few years ago, I started to get severe chills and muscle ache, which led to an unrecognizable disease. In just a couple of months, I was unable to sit up and within six months I was diagnosed with disorder in the autonomic nervous system. My conditions would improve after intensive treatment, only to deteriorate again. Though I viewed myself with a person with strong mentality, I felt like everything up and wanted to be at peace. I could entirely relate with the feeling of passive suicide: “I wish I did not have to open my eyes in the morning”.

Around that time, I came across the message of a girl diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, who spoke in a husky voice through her respirator. One may think that she might have been better off if she had not been born, watching her dying in agony. However, she stressed that life isn’t about being happy and healthy, it is living the life you can be proud of in tough situations.

Her words were like a wake-up call to me. I had questioned my ability to function as a human being, let alone work as a doctor. Despite my situation, I could opt for a life that I could be proud of.

The prolonged pandemic has taken a psychological and economical toll on many. We feel resentful, thinking why we must shoulder such burdens and feel helpless, thinking there is nothing we can do. Maybe we can look for small achievements that we can be proud of. We can make our beds in the morning. We can hug our family members and tell how much we love them. That would be something we can be proud of, rather than being angry and in despair. Because life is about living the life you, not others, are proud of.