[Opinion] Married to First Son

There is a happy family with three grown-up sons. The brothers love their parents and serve them well. Yet, every holiday time, the family does not seem to be that happy together. The wife of the second son finds little time to prepare food as successful career woman, and the youngest couple drop by for hours and leave for the wife`s house. Then, the first daughter-in-law is left alone to prepare food and clean up the dishes. Yet, she is not the only one who feels stressful. Her husband does, too. He has to give his parents good pocket money and buy presents for parents-in-law, the boss at the company and a former teacher. He is not happy watching his wife doing all the things.

Still, the woman faces a lot harder task than the man. If she is married to the first son of a father, who is also the first son of a family, she will spend many days of a year preparing food for family rituals honoring ancestors. There are dozens of such services and there are many guests to come. The women married to men in the Shin Family in Youngweol, the Choi family in Gyeongju and the Yoon Family in Haenam are known to have dedicated their lives to honoring ancestors for welbeing of families. Their devotion must be beyond comprehension to young wives today, who are unwilling to prepare service food even a few times a year.

Devoted daughters-in-law have also been working hard to preserve their families` tradition – The Kwon Family in Andong is well known for Korean sugar-sweetened snacks, the Yoon in Haenam for dried persimmons, the Yoon Family in Papyeong for soy bean-sauced rice sticks with vegetable and the Kim Family in Jeongeup for pickled crabs. The Yi Family in Oeiam, South Chungcheong Province, the Kim Family in Andong and the Kim Family in Yesan have kept their old magnificent houses intact for hundreds of years.

Even in ancient Korea, where men were respected and women belittled, women married to first sons were exception in the society`s norms. They had the warehouse key, a symbol of financial authority. Seniors in the family did not give them directions unilaterally. When holding a family service, the first son first paid tribute to ancestors, followed by his wife. And now families with long tradition are having difficulties finding women for their eldest sons. Left with families are now mostly women in their 50s or older. Some families, therefore, designate an annual ancestors` day instead of holding services several times a year. Then, we might soon the wives of first sons in traditional families named human cultural treasures of the country.

Oh Myung-cheol, Editorial Writer, oscar@donga.com