[Editorial] Bad Caring Spouses

About a decade ago, a civic organization surveyed the life styles of both married and unmarried women in an attempt to prove that single women can lead their lives with dignity. They got, however, much unexpected results, According the results of the poll, married women were healthier than unmarried ones both physically and emotionally. Whether they are men or women, those who have companions by their sides, it is widely believed, live longer and have fewer chances of dying of a stroke or an accident. Dr. Linda Wait at Chicago University notes in her book titled `A case of marriage` that marriage plays a role of life’s safety belt like healthy diet, regular exercises and moderation.

▷It was, therefore, baffling news that a research team at German Heidelberg University recently found that heartfelt caring by loved ones can aggravate conditions of patients with chronic pain. According to the research, when a devoted husband or wife takes great care of a patient with back pain, the patient tend to feel more painful than when he or she does without the loved one. Given the result came after close examinations into brains of a group of patients, there seems no possibilities of feigning involved. Dr. Herta Flrore, professor of psychology, says that the presence of a caring person with great tolerance works to make patients feel more self-pity and therefore, more painful.

▷Then, it might be time to think about an ideal kind of spouses again. A newly married young woman, who used to kill a cockroach without blinking an eye, suddenly becomes a fragile woman even startled at a fly, with the presence of her husband. As Shakespeare once said `a hardworking wife makes a lazy husband,` it is just that when one is aggressive and competent enough, the other becomes dependent and loosened. Although Xanthippe, the notorious wife of Socrates, is still considered a synonym for a bad wife, Socrates himself acknowledged that he was able to be what he was thanks to the bothering wife. Without knowing the trouble of a life, one cannot become a true philosopher.

▷Science cannot lie, it is said. Still, scientists can be subject when they interpret results of a study. It’s not to say that we should ignore the latest finding. But we need to remember there are quite a few data that indicate caring and kind spouses are good for health while unkind and selfish ones are not. Some studies even suggest that people can deteriorate their health by sticking too much to maintaining good health. That is, what counts in the end is how and what we think. Those suffering from mean spouses, then, had better thank them for being mean – because they are learning the life’s philosophy, if not happy, thanks to their spouses. The rub, however, is that changing the way one thinks is even harder than working on a scientific research.

Kim Soon-deok, Editorial Writer, yuri@donga.com